Category Archives: Question for you

Who should be responsible for taking the pill?

Contraceptive Wikimedia Commons Anka GrzywaczThere are many contraceptive options on the market nowadays; one of these is the male pill.

But how many people are interested in this form of contraception?

According to research by a Dr Susan Walker, only half of the women and men she questioned said they would use the male pill when it came on the market.

The women were apparently worried that their partners would forget to take the pill, while some of the men believed taking the pill would detract from their masculinity, because a contraceptive pill was culturally associated with women.

Strangely, men weren’t concerned about the pill having an effect on them biologically, such as causing infertility, but the fact that the pill was associated with femininity. On the other end of the scale, some men believed that taking the pill would be the more responsible way of practising masculinity.

If you’re a woman, how do you feel about your man taking the pill, and if you’re a man, how would you feel taking the pill?

Image by Anka Grzywacz, WikiMedia Commons


The Worst Type of Sex


Sad woman


Hands down, rape must be the worst type of sex.

I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in that situation – absolutely powerless to do anything, yet utterly confused because your body is reacting to the sex act in a way you don’t want it to.

It must be the worst, the most frightening, the most degrading.

An All Women Stalk post lists “forced sex” as the third worst type of sex. Personally, I don’t see how it can be less horrible than BDSM or drunken sex, unless the latter also included forced sex.

In BDSM, usually both parties have made an agreement regarding the sexual act.

What is your opinion?

Photo by Graur Codrin

#Itsnotrapeif trend is heartbreaking

In South Africa today and yesterday, a strange trend appeared on Twitter with the hashtag #itsnotrapeif.

The trend was caused by people on Twitter using the hashtag with examples, such as “#itsnotrapeif she agrees to have the baby” or “#itsnotrapeif you were “celibate” … stop being so stingy”; there was even one saying that #itsnotrapeif she’s a lesbian and you’re trying to correct her.

I have no clue why this sort of thing started trending, or why anyone would take part in such a horrible “joke” because the reality in South Africa is that several women and girls get raped every minute here.

Corrective rape is also a massive trend in this country. The worst thing is that these crimes are being ignored by the state and the legal system. In just one example, Eudy Simelane was gang-raped, brutally beaten and stabbed 25 times across her body.

Women are targeted every day for being openly lesbian, and 86% of black lesbians in the Western Cape walk outside every day in fear of sexual assault. There are as many as 10 new cases of corrective rape every week.

Following the trend, Rape Crisis released a statement saying that the tag is “devastating for the rights of survivors”. So many women, men and children are subjected to “sexual penetration” without consent every day, and that there are these people who openly make fun of their plight is sad for humankind.

What is glaringly obvious in our country is that rape is not seen as a crime by those who are meant to help us – we are one of the countries in the world who take part in victim-blaming, and this goes for lesbians, women walking in the streets at night and even children. Rape is simply “sex without consent”, regardless of whom was raped, what they were wearing, how drunk they were, or any other reason. Forced sex cannot be justified.

This issue makes me so sad because it proves that humans are just not evolving into the beings of love that we are meant to be.

If you are in need of support or advice, or would like to make a comment, visit Rape Crisis for more information.

Otherwise, what is your view on the issue?

Want an abortion in South Dakota?


Sad woman

Photo by Graur Codrin from FreeDigitalPhotos.Net


I like to think that my body is my own, and what I do with it is up to me.

But South Dakota in the US has become the first state in the country to make it compulsory for all women who want an abortion to attend a consultation at “pregnancy help centers” to learn about any help they can get to keep the child.

I know that abortion is a difficult subject for many people, because, firstly, people – I say people because it is not only the woman involved in sex – can protect protect themselves from pregnancy, and secondly, because it’s a little life inside of you that you’re killing.

My issue about this law though is that if a woman is raped, it means she has to keep the baby. Never mind the fact that it was made in fear, horror, hate, power, control… and not love. If she can look after the baby, she has to have it. Sure, she can give the child up for adoption if that is one of the options allowed, but we all know how much emotional and psychological pain this causes for both the child and the mother in the future.

Another thing I’m wondering about: the US is trying to cut funding for Planned Parenthood, an organization focused on helping people plan for and deal with children. The organization has been struck out at for supporting abortion, and this is why the funding is being cut. But are there other such organizations in the country? What are these supposed “pregnancy help centers” they are talking about if Planned Parenthood no longer exists? Without a dedicated organization that can deal with your issue professionally, will you have to go to a clinic to attend these consultations? Or, even worse, a police station?

Photo by Graur Codrin from

Can we accept our roles as men’s equal?

I know we’re living in the 21st century. All women know that.

But how can we accept our new roles as being the equals of men?

I myself am guilty of this “feminist” sin – believing that men are better than me. I find myself becoming jealous at how easy it is for them to join a team, to get a hole-in-one or get that discarded paper ball in the rubbish bin with every toss, to be paid more for doing the same job, to be accepted into a senior role without feeling that you’ve done something wrong. And I think to myself that perhaps the men really are better than me after all.

But there are other things I’m jealous of men for: for not feeling the need to look over their shoulders every time they walk down a dark alley, to not feel as though they have to carry a bottle of pepper spray within easy reach, to not be afraid that when they hoot at a rude person on the road that they might step out of the car and want to harm them, to not feel as though simply walking through Checkers makes them feel as cold and objectified as the salami they’re walking past.

And the fact that I am actually afraid of men makes me realise that it is not them who are better than me. If all it takes to make men afraid of me is centuries of brainwashing about being the weaker of the species, centuries worth of literature telling women how they should be, centuries worth of violence against women being dusted under the carpet – if that’s all it takes, then they’re no better.

Without all those centuries, all we would be is…equal.