Tag Archives: QuestionForYou

Q&A: Struggling to orgasm

Dear Purdita

I’m struggling to have an orgasm. I’ve been in a relationship for a few years now, and I didn’t have a problem in the beginning, but it seems I’m struggling more now. My lover is getting worried because he thinks that I don’t have feelings for him anymore. What do I do?


Dear Worried

I would like to encourage you to stop worrying, and remember that as you grow older and change, so does your body and the way it responds to different stimuli. Have you tried to speak to your lover to tell them that you need to try something different? Explain to him that you still love him very much, and would like to try out a few different techniques. You can try everything from clitoral stimulation and oral sex to different positions. If your lover is worried too, and truly loves you, he will jump at the opportunity to please you. In every way!

Good luck!



11yos being provided with condoms

I am of the firm belief that children should not be having sex until they are adults. Sex brings along a whole bunch of emotions, beliefs and experiences that children should really not be worrying about in their formative years.

Do you agree?

Well, apparently 11 year olds in Philadelphia in the US don’t.

Health officials apparently have no choice in the matter, and have been forced to provide children as young as 11 with condoms.

The city has the highest number of sexually active teens below the age of 13 among big cities. Children are cutting school to have sex – even to have mini-orgies – while others don’t even bother leaving the school grounds.

So now I am faced with a conundrum, because I believe that these children are way too young to be even thinking of sex, nevermind having sex! But they are, obviously, and condoms will at least protect them from sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.

What is the problem here? Why are children who are so young engaging in sexual acts? Is it parenting? Is it lack of supervision? Is it too much sex on television? Is it access to porn? What do you think?

Baby boomer parents supporting their adult children

Maybe I’m just being too judgemental, but I feel sad for all those parents still looking after their children who are way into adulthood already. I know this hasn’t anything to do with sex, but … in a way it does, because sex is about relationships and this is about relationships…

According to a recent study, over half of the Baby Boom-generation’s mothers support their children financially. Of the women who took part of the survey, nine percent said they had their children return to live with them for indefinite periods, while 12 percent were responsible for their adult children’s financial well-being. A shocking 31 percent of them had children who came back home with the intent of becoming independent, but they were still financially supporting them.

I think this is really horrible. Parents work their whole lives to help their children grow into responsible adults, and then they’re repaid by having to use the money they’ve saved for years for their own retirement to continue looking after their children.

I wonder what it is about that generation of parents – what was it in the manner that they raised their children to make it so their children aren’t financially independent?

Perhaps it has nothing to do with this, and everything to do with the fact that living in today’s and age is difficult and expensive. But if some people are making it without their parents, why can’t all of them? Maybe these baby boomer parents were so happy to have children that they let them get away with everything, gave them everything and continue to do so.

What are your views?

The Worst Type of Sex


Sad woman


Hands down, rape must be the worst type of sex.

I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in that situation – absolutely powerless to do anything, yet utterly confused because your body is reacting to the sex act in a way you don’t want it to.

It must be the worst, the most frightening, the most degrading.

An All Women Stalk post lists “forced sex” as the third worst type of sex. Personally, I don’t see how it can be less horrible than BDSM or drunken sex, unless the latter also included forced sex.

In BDSM, usually both parties have made an agreement regarding the sexual act.

What is your opinion?

Photo by Graur Codrin

#Itsnotrapeif trend is heartbreaking

In South Africa today and yesterday, a strange trend appeared on Twitter with the hashtag #itsnotrapeif.

The trend was caused by people on Twitter using the hashtag with examples, such as “#itsnotrapeif she agrees to have the baby” or “#itsnotrapeif you were “celibate” … stop being so stingy”; there was even one saying that #itsnotrapeif she’s a lesbian and you’re trying to correct her.

I have no clue why this sort of thing started trending, or why anyone would take part in such a horrible “joke” because the reality in South Africa is that several women and girls get raped every minute here.

Corrective rape is also a massive trend in this country. The worst thing is that these crimes are being ignored by the state and the legal system. In just one example, Eudy Simelane was gang-raped, brutally beaten and stabbed 25 times across her body.

Women are targeted every day for being openly lesbian, and 86% of black lesbians in the Western Cape walk outside every day in fear of sexual assault. There are as many as 10 new cases of corrective rape every week.

Following the trend, Rape Crisis released a statement saying that the tag is “devastating for the rights of survivors”. So many women, men and children are subjected to “sexual penetration” without consent every day, and that there are these people who openly make fun of their plight is sad for humankind.

What is glaringly obvious in our country is that rape is not seen as a crime by those who are meant to help us – we are one of the countries in the world who take part in victim-blaming, and this goes for lesbians, women walking in the streets at night and even children. Rape is simply “sex without consent”, regardless of whom was raped, what they were wearing, how drunk they were, or any other reason. Forced sex cannot be justified.

This issue makes me so sad because it proves that humans are just not evolving into the beings of love that we are meant to be.

If you are in need of support or advice, or would like to make a comment, visit Rape Crisis for more information.

Otherwise, what is your view on the issue?