I’m struggling to have an orgasm. I’ve been in a relationship for a few years now, and I didn’t have a problem in the beginning, but it seems I’m struggling more now. My lover is getting worried because he thinks that I don’t have feelings for him anymore. What do I do?
I would like to encourage you to stop worrying, and remember that as you grow older and change, so does your body and the way it responds to different stimuli. Have you tried to speak to your lover to tell them that you need to try something different? Explain to him that you still love him very much, and would like to try out a few different techniques. You can try everything from clitoral stimulation and oral sex to different positions. If your lover is worried too, and truly loves you, he will jump at the opportunity to please you. In every way!
The most important thing to remember when it comes to getting your man off by hand is lubrication!
It has to be wet, slimy, slippery – if your hand gets sticky, it might chaff and this will get you, and him, nowhere.
How you keep his erection slippery is up to you – there are several lubricants on the market, but I would suggest going for a water-based lube instead of an oil-based one. KY Jelly is also not recommended, as it seems to work best with your natural secretions.
A good way to start is to ask your man beforehand how he masturbates. If he’s open enough, he might give you a hint or two on how he likes it.
Remember that his lower erogenous zones are not focused on his penis alone – his testacles can also be very sensitive and feeling you play with them can be very erotic. There is also the anogenital region, which, for some men, is great for stimulation. Apparently the area just below the head of his erect penis on the bottom is also very sensitive, so try that spot as well. Again, every man is different, so try to ask questions as you go along to make sure you’re getting it right.
Another trick is to vary the amount that you close your hand around his erection. Try tightening and loosening your fingers alternately – you’ll know how your man is liking it. Try to think about the rhythm and stroke your man uses when he is making love to you, and attempt to simulate it. Sometimes it’s fast and sometimes it’s slow, but the way your man reacts to your touch is really your cue on how well you’re doing and how much he’s enjoying it.
You can also try to use both hands, as this covers more surface area.
Try to tease him a little with your tongue and your mouth, but since this is a handjob, try not to get too carried away down there!
I believe that self-satisfaction is fundamental to one’s sexuality.
Exploring your body and discovering what it is that you like with regards to pleasure will not only allow you to be aware of your body and learn to love it, but also how to show your lover how to please you.
If you have never satisfied yourself before, why not try it now? It’s not difficult, and I’m certain once you discover the in’s and out’s of what your own body wants and needs, it is something you might consider doing at least once a week. And if you really can’t wait. Or if you’re bored.
I find that it helps me to sleep.
Remember that your body is your own, and there is nothing wrong with loving it and yourself.
If you’re shy, start by touching yourself through your underwear – this is how I started, and I still find a lot of pleasure in being conservative yet still finding out what I like.
Pleasuring myself sexually has also become an important part of myself and my lover’s sex life. Remember that it can be a turn-on for him as well.